A recent report from Pew Research Center’s Religious Landscape Study found that more than half of married individuals feel that sharing household chores is an important key to a successful marriage. Shared chores ranked third, behind the importance of shared interests and a satisfying sexual relationship, and ahead of having children and adequate income.
If sharing chores contributes to a happy marriage, what happens to a marriage when one spouse takes on a disproportionate share of the housekeeping burden?
Another study, led by Michael Rosenfeld, Associate Professor of Sociology at Stanford University, discovered that women are more likely to initiate divorce. Rosenfeld cited a key reason for this was gender inequality, or when “husbands expect their wives to do the bulk of the housework and the bulk of the childcare.” The study began in 2009 and followed 2,262 heterosexual adults between the ages of 19 and 64 who were married or in a relationship. By 2015, 92 of those couples had divorced, 69% of which were initiated by women.
Lindsey Taylor, who conducted a similar study in the UK, found that 30% of marriages ended in divorce due to partners unfairly dividing chores. To put this into perspective, the same study revealed that 40% of marriages end due to infidelity. More than half of the couples involved in the study, however, admitted that domestic issues were a factor in their divorce.
What can we conclude from these studies? Do chores matter?
Many other studies exist, some indicating contrary findings to those described here due to other circumstances. We believe the results of many studies can be questioned, since different sampling pools can yield vastly different findings. Studies also cannot be applied directly to a couple’s unique situation.
Given the attention this topic has received over recent years, it seems safe to say that the division of household chores is something that can affect a relationship or marriage, even if it is a symptom of a larger problem, and should be discussed by couples.
I tell every client that meets with me the same thing – and the result is normally a nervous chuckle. “You can pay to send my kids to college, or you can keep your money and send your own kids to college.” And the result is typically the same – people want to save money, people want to avoid unnecessary battles, and people want to do what is best for their children. However, many times people enter into the divorce process with the best of intentions and they walk out of the process the participant of an atomic war….and it can be avoided.
Make Simple Disclosures
An atomic war can be avoided and an uncontested divorce can often be attained with simple disclosures. Yet so often, clients are hesitant to disclose anything to their spouses in fear that it might be used against them in litigation. Clients want to avoid telling their spouse they met with a lawyer, that they had an affair, or that there is $50,000 of credit card debt. However, even the most basic discovery will reveal all that information – at a large cost emotionally and financially. The result of a spouse failing to disclose such basic information typically leads to a path of distrust and pessimism which fuels legal positioning and skyrocketing fees.
Share the Decision Making
Another way to avoid an atomic war and maintain an uncontested divorce is to share the decision making of a divorce with your spouse. Often times, if one spouse controls the path of the divorce, the other spouse feels powerless and tries to gain power by asserting themselves with legal maneuvering. One simple solution to this problem would be to ask your spouse simple questions about how they want to proceed in the divorce. “Do you want to do this divorce peacefully or through litigation?” “Do you want to sign a waiver or do you want me to serve you?” “Do you want to gather these documents together or do you want our lawyers to do it independently?” Sharing in these simple decisions helps both parties feel in control of the process, and when people feel like they have control, they typically make more rational decisions.
Consult with an Attorney
Simple disclosures and shared decision making can go a long way in the divorce process. As always, before deciding what path is best for you, you should always discuss your options and goals with an attorney at The Brooke Law Firm who is trained to deal with your unique situation…and hopefully an attorney that doesn’t need you to fund their children’s college education.
No one really wants to talk about their last will and testament, but this is one legal issue you don’t want to leave unattended. After all, it could lead to a major rift in your family, one which you are not around to mend.
The importance of having a very clear will and testament takes on even greater magnitude if you have children from more than one marriage, if you have adopted children, and if you don’t have any children at all. Getting expert advice can save your loved ones heartache and grief at a time when they really need to focus on grieving and recovery.Call us today to discuss wills, trusts, living wills and health care proxies and plan for your future.
An increasing number of people are turning to the internet for all sorts of advice. Fashion advice. Medical advice. Marriage advice.
Here at The Brooke Law Firm we certainly won’t dissuade you from getting fashion advice online, but we strongly recommend that you don’t turn to Google for legal advice. Because it could end up costing you a whole lot more than you expected. Call an experienced lawyer today for a free consultation instead of turning to the internet. Who knows what kind of advice you'll receive and if any of it is accurate.